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Since 4 out of every 5 movies these days is a remake or adaptation, I’ve got this fantasy that one day somebody in Hollywood will give Diablo Cody a bunch of money to make a new Tank Girl movie. Below are my picks for Team Tank.
Kristen Bell
as
Tank Girl
This might seem like an odd choice, but if you mix and match some of Veronica Mars‘ crueler moments with her brief action hero scenes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and her reefer slut bit in Reefer Madness: The Musical, it should start to make sense.
Matthew Lillard
as
Booga
For a minute I was thinking Dax Sheppard (especially his Idiocracy character) as everyone’s favorite mutant kangaroo, but someone pointed out that in the comic Booga isn’t nearly as dumb as he was in the original movie. I think Lillard could pull off a smarter Booga who’s still thick-headed enought to serve as Tank Girl’s foil when necessary.
Alyson Hannigan
as
Jet Girl
Good at playing the brainy type but also capable of being hilariously foul-mouthed and vile. Plus, everything’s better with Alyson Hannigan. (Note: Please keep in mind that Alyson’s participation does not guarantee that a movie will be good. Date Movie was fucking awful, but imagine how much worse it would have been without her.)
Sarah Silverman
as
Barney
I don’t see how this one could possibly require an explanation.
Ali Larter
as
Sub Girl
Sub Girl: The Aquaman of our little band of post-apocalyptic anti-heroes. This role’s probably not much more than a cameo, so Ali Larter should work fine.
Azura Skye
as
Jackie
Jackie is usually just one step up from an extra. Since Azura Skye (probably best known to DC readers as Cassie Newton on Buffy) shows up as an extra in lots of things, she seems like a pretty good choice to me.
and Introducing
Mr. Pookums
as
Camp Koala
