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That’s right, it’s time for another installment of WWPHITM? This time around, we’re going to cast the Preacher comic book series by Garth Ennis and Steve Dillon. While it might be possible to do it as a movie, I think this is best suited for an HBO style series. Since there are so many storylines and characters in the series, we’ll just stick with the central characters and a few of the more interesting folks who only show up for a few stories.
This was kind of a tough one, because Nathan Fillion would also be great in the role (and we know he can rock the collar). Ultimately, though, I think Sheriff Bollock’s the way to go here.
Another tough one. Buffy co-star Julie Benz would definitely work in the role as well, but Anya just barely beats her out.
Cassidy the Vampire
It’s really tempting to go with somebody a bit more Irish, like maybe one of the Boondock Saints guys, but Paxton’s role in Near Dark seems to fit the Cassidy type really well. Just make him a little older, a little drunker, and hope Bill can pull off the accent.
Actually for this one we’re going to do a small rewrite and call the character The Man With No Name. Because even if we could find an actor who could pull off John Wayne, I’m pretty sure he’d come back from the grave and kick our ass for trying it. So we replace Jesse’s imaginary friend with the next generation’s version.
The Saint of Killers
I realize that The Saint is an Eastwood character, but I like Clint better in the updated Duke role. Also, Henriksen’s got about 10 years on him, which could be important if there’s a SoK spin-off.
It doesn’t really matter a lot who you put under the Arseface prosthetics, but Meyer has kind of a loser vibe to him that I think works perfectly.
Sheriff Hugo Root
Arseface’s father is a minor role, but a memorable one. So it’s got to be played by someone who can make the most out of a little screen time. Nobody does that better than Earl McGraw.
Sick, twisted, evil, and generally fucking creepy? This one’s almost too easy.
The actor who plays The Allfather needs to be able to pull off being comedically pathetic and disgusting but simultaneously sinister, all while managing a convincing French accent. He’s also got to be frickin’ huge. Coltraine is the only man for the job.
Stiller’s Simple Jack character from Tropic Thunder is a dead ringer for the incredibly inbred heir of Christ.
Because we know she can pull off the accent, and I’m pretty confident she can handle the evil, too.
Dale from The Riches seems like a perfect match for the shit-kicker.
The only two actors even in the running for the chicken fucker role are Clint Howard and Ted Raimi. For this role, Clint Howard looks more the part.
The Meat Man has a Ross Perot thing going that matches Oldman from The Fifth Element. Just get rid fo thd soul patch and Dumb Sci-Fi Haircut (TM) and we’re good to go.