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Things are slow on the Cinemechanix front this week. so let’s do one of those blogs where I sketch out a one-shot adventure using my handy One Shot Generator Script (adapted from some of the tables in The Book of Dumb Tables and its sequel). As always, I have two options, since each Book of Dumb Table had a different way generating random one shots. My choices are:
The PCs are legendary heroes who work as space pirates who are opposed by Nazis.
A Western version of Die Hard as directed by George Lucas.
I usually tend toward option 2 when I do these things (which makes sense given that I’m the one who came up with the tables for the original 2nd formula), and Die Hard in a silver mine or something does have a certain appeal, but the first one has space Nazis, so we’re doing space Nazis. “Legendary heroes” might sound vague, but here at One Hex Tower it’s the “line” name we use for books like The Adventures of Sindbad, GILGAMESH!, and Beowulf vs. Grendel; so basically mythological characters.
When humanity finally abandoned Earth, they assumed they were done with Nazis. The 8th Reich had fallen nearly three generations earlier and even the Nazis who’d extended their lives through scientific means were thought to have been killed when South America was obliterated during the Coffee Wars. But Nazis are like herpes, and right now the 13th Reich controls most of the developed planets in the Sol II system. There is a resistance in the form of both clandestine groups on the central planets and ragged bands of rebels hiding out on desolate chunks of rock on the outskirts of the systems.
Second only to the Nazis’ persistence is their tendency to dabble in occultism-tinged fringe science. From turning elite SS soldiers into actual werewolves to building an army of cybernetically enhanced super-apes to the tantric supercomputer that gave rise to Der RoboFuhrer, there’s nothing that Nazi scientist won’t try. One such experiment involved using DNA samples obtained from ancient Terran artifacts to clone the greatest heroes from Earth’s past. The experiment worked, but the Nazis didn’t count on was the heroes climbing out of the vats with their full memories intact and very little appreciation for the tenets of National Socialism. They promptly escaped from a maximum security laboratory facility to the frontier planets. Today, still wanted by the Nazis, they make their living as smugglers and soldiers of fortune on the outer edges of the galaxy. If you’re in trouble, if nobody else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the Argonauts.
The PCs’ ship is obviously the Spaceship Argo. If I’m making pre-gen characters or giving the players suggestions, I’m going to go with Sindbad as the captain/pilot with Gilgamesh as first mate and Beowulf as hired muscle. Noah is the ship’s engineer and Prometheus is the “security expert” (thief). Robin Hood is the gunner. Since the space Nazis are actively looking for them, the Argonauts have avoided contacting the organized resistance, preferring to act as freelance guerilla fighters whenever they get a chance to interfere with the Reich in ways that won’t get them caught (which often involves killing every Nazi they encounter).
Obviously, the Rebel High Command is very eager to recruit the mysterious band of smugglers who reportedly routinely convert Nazi ships and space stations into floating mausoleums, and since this is a one-shot we might as well go right for the big target: Der RoboFuhrer. When the rebels track down the Argonauts, they explain that Der RoboFuhrer is currently conducting some kind of unholy experiment in a secret bunker on an obscure moon. The moon is far too heavily-secured for the rebels to mount an assault, but the Argonauts may be able to infiltrate the bunker and take down the RoboHitler. In addition to the expected space panzers and cybernetic Nazi gorillas, there has to be a complication, so when the party gets into the bunker they’ll discover that Der RoboFuhrer has somehow managed to clone Odin and is currently draining his power. If he succeeds, he’ll gain both Odin’s immortality and his vast knowledge, which will make him unstoppable. The PCs will have to decide whether to confront the Nazi robot overlord directly or race against time to destroy the base before he steals the god’s power.
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