Tuesday Table: Halloween Edition

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Because I’m topical as hell.


Random Halloween Costumes

  1. Not so much a costume as a bunch of random shit you’re not allowed to wear to work (for example, a star fleet uniform with fairy wings, a kilt, and vampire teeth)
  2. Regular clothes passed off as a costume. (“I’m a homicidal maniac–they look just like everyone else.”)
  3. A historical figure (Abraham Lincoln, Lizzie Borden, Cleopatra)
  4. A character from a fairy tale (Goldilocks, The Big Bad Wolf, Little Red Riding Hood)
  5. A movie character (Machete, The Bride, John McClane)
  6. A comic book character (Superman, Ambush Bug, Spider Jerusalem)
  7. Costume based on a historical subculture/profession (Pirate, hobo, cowboy)
  8. Costume based on a contemporary subculture/profession (Fireman, goth, celebutard)
  9. A classic monster (Werewolf, vampire, ghost)
  10. A character from science fiction/fantasy (Drizzt, a Klingon, Buffy)
  11. Re-roll, but your costume is the sexy version.
  12. A video game character (Mario, Jill Valentine, Qbert)
  13. A literary character (Tom Sawyer, Jane Eyre, Curious George)
  14. A period costume (Victorian gentleman, 80s dude, 50s schoolgirl)
  15. A period costume for an imaginary time period (Steampunk, post-apocalypse, and pretty much anything that looks like a David Bowie hand-me-down)
  16. A political figure (Barack Obama, Richard Nixon, Sarah Palin)
  17. A mythological character (Thor, Jesus, Eris)
  18. Something extremely uncomfortable/unwieldy (Mecha suit, anything with giant wings, binder full of women)
  19. Something that’s been done to death (The Dude, Harley Quinn, Heath Leger Joker)
  20. Some asshole with a horse head.

Random Tricks

  1. Mooning people
  2. Making prank phone calls
  3. Knocking on doors and running away
  4. TPing yards
  5. Soaping windows
  6. Smashing pumpkins
  7. Throwing rotten eggs
  8. Scaring people
  9. Turning over garbage cans
  10. Setting off fireworks
  11. Leaving burning bags of dog crap on doorsteps
  12. Graffitti
  13. Damaging private property
  14. Damaging public property
  15. Petty Theft
  16. Arson
  17. Animal Sacrifice
  18. Conducting Satanic rituals
  19. Human Sacrifice
  20. Summoning Ancient Elder Gods

Random Treats

  1. A rock
  2. Candy corn
  3. Fruit
  4. Chewing gum
  5. Hard candy
  6. Cookies
  7. Bite-sized candy (M&Ms, Skittles, etc.)
  8. Jelly beans
  9. Fun sized candy bar
  10. Gummi somethings
  11. Licorice
  12. Caramel apple
  13. Full sized candy bar
  14. Non-candy treat (cheap toy, toothbrush, religious tract, etc.)
  15. Jawbreaker
  16. Lollipop
  17. Popcorn ball
  18. Trail mix
  19. Breath mints
  20. Poisoned/razor-blade filled treats


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