Dumb Tables: B.A.D.A.S.S.

Book of Dumb Tables 2 Cover Illustration by Joshua LH Burnett

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In every con game, there’s at least one guy who wants to play the badass action hero who spouts one-liners and plays by his own rules. Sometimes there’s more than one. At some point, we were talking about this and decided we should run a game where everyone was the badass action hero who spouts one liners and plays by his own rules. To help make sure the characters fit the concept, I made up some tables that players could (or maybe would be required) to use during character creation. I found them the other day, so here they are. 

1-2 Drifter (Biker, Truck Driver, etc)
3-4 Criminal (Bank Robber, Car Thief, Hitman, etc)
5-6 Soldier of Fortune
7-14 Cop On The Edge
15-16 Private Detective
17-18 Thug (Bodyguard, Mob Enforcer, Boxer, etc)
19-20 Federal Agent (usually FBI)

1-2 Powerful Kung Fu
3-4 Tough As Nails
5-6 Hard To Kill
7-8 Use Anything As A Weapon
9-10 Bad Mother Fucker
11-12 Hard Boiled
13-14 Nerves of Steel
15-16 Duct Tape & Chicken Wire
17-18 Grizzled Veteran
19-20 Gun Fu

1 Code of Honor
2-3 Getting Too Old For This Shit
4-6 Wanted Dead Or Alive
7-8 Addiction
9-13 Wrong Place, Wrong Time
14-15 Enemy
16-17 Victim Of The Past
18-19 Longhair
20 Strange Vehicle Magnet

1 Wilderness Survival
2-3 Sneak Around
4-5 Blow Shit Up
6-9 Shoot Up The Place
10-13 Beat The Hell Out Of People
14-15 Drive Like A Maniac
16-17 Find Stuff Out
18-19 Intimidation
20 Fix Stuff

1. Danny Trejo
2. Vinnie Jones
3. Marc Singer
4. Kurt Russell
5. Arnold Schwartzeneggar
6. Rutger Hauer
7. Ving Rhames
8. Lance Henrickson
9. Chuck Norris
10. Bruce Willis
11. Samuel L. Jackson
12. Mickey Rourke
13. Clint Eastwood
14. Michael Madsen/Tom Sizemore (Even They Can’t Tell The Difference)
15. Jason Statham
16. Sylvester Stallone
17. Mel Gibson
18. Carl Weaters
19. Chow Yun Fat
20. Bruce Campbell

WWPHITM? B.A.D.A.S.S. Chicks Edition
1. Michelle Rodriguez
2. Uma Thurman
3. Pam Grier
4. Linda Hamilton
5. Charlize Theron
6. Gina Torres
7. Carrie Anne Moss
8. Jamie Lee Curtis
9. Milla Jovovich
10. Lucy Liu
11. Rose McGowan
12. Neve Campbell
13. Lori Petty
14. Juliette Lewis
15. Eliza Dushku
16. Sigourney Weaver
17. Angelina Jolie
18. Kate Beckinsale
19. Michelle Yeoh
20. Geena Davis

Tag Line
1-2 “I work alone.”
3-4 “This means war.”
5-6 “Don’t fuck with me.”
7-8 “Mother Fucker!”
9-10 “I’m gonna kick your ass.”
11-12 “No more Mr. Nice Guy.”
13-14 “You just messed with the wrong guy.”
15-16 “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
17-18 “Now I’m pissed off.”
19-20 “I’m gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck.”

Who Would Play The Theme Music?
1. Isaac Hayes
2. Rammstein
3. Motorhead
4. NWA
5. Megadeth
6. Type O Negative
7. Metallica
8. Black Sabbath/Ozzy
9. Body Count
10. Henry Rollins
11. The Clash
12. Iron Maiden
13. Run DMC
14. Godsmack
15. Kid Rock
16. Guns N Roses
17. Gwar
18. Public Enemy
19. S.O.D./M.O.D.
20. Anthrax

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