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Do you want to hear me talk about Hobomancer? You’re in luck, because the Game School podcast where I do just that came out a week or so ago. Also, the Hex crew will be at Archon this weekend. If you’re going and want to come to our panels or games, the schedule is on the QAGS Facebook page.
For this week’s blog, I decided to randomly generate a game idea using the One-Shot Game Concept Generator, then describe how I’d run it. The two concepts the script gave me were “the PCs are priests who work as super-heroes who are opposed by demons” and “A trashy 80s fantasy version of My Fair Lady as directed by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.” Since the first one is basically the plot of Battle Pope, I decided to go with option number two.
Characters
It’s up to the players how closely they want the characters to resemble the cast of My Fair Lady (I’m going to use the character names here to keep things simple), but Parker and Stone need to be the WWPHITM? for the Higgins and Pickering roles (I’d probably cast Parker as Higgins, but could see it going either way). In this version, they’re noble knights rather than linguists. Since the PCs are an adventuring party, the roles of Higgins’ mother and the housekeeper would be filled by other party members. I’d make the funny little guy who’s in all the Parker & Stone movies Higgins’ squire. Eliza could work as either a PC or an NPC.
The Set-Up
Ten years ago, the young Princess of Pygmaila was kidnapped by agents of the Witch King of Kromdor (who is METAL AS FUCK). After years of searching, two brave knights (Higgins and Pickering) believe they’ve discovered the keep where the princess is being held. As the game begins, the party is preparing to assault the keep and rescue the princess. Just in time, too: according to a not-at-all-contrived-for-pacing prophecy, the kingdom will fall into ruin if the princess does not return home by her 18th birthday, which is right around the corner.
Opening Scene
You can play through the raid on the keep if you really want, but I’d probably open the game just as the PCs have freed the princess and are facing off against the level boss and his minions so they can make their escape. During the battle, the princess needs to die. Since it’s a Parker and Stone movie, it would be really appropriate for a PC to accidentally kill her or at least indirectly cause her death. Also, make sure there’s a big fire. It’ll be important later.
Plot
Following the princess’s untimely demise, our brave party decides to drown their sorrows in booze and women at the nearest inn while they try to decide what to do next. If the king finds out what happened, they’ll probably be executed. As thy sit around feeling sorry for themselves, they can’t help but notice that one of the bar wenches/dancing girls/whores (depending on how Deathstalker you want to take things) bears a striking resemblance to the princess. Since the characters don’t want to die (and since the player presumably know the premise of the game), it shouldn’t be much of a leap for them to decide to try to pass the barmaid off as the princess.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. For starters, the proprietor of the inn (who may either be her father or an employer she’s indentured or enslaved to) isn’t going to let her go with the PCs without compensation for his loss. She also has a lover who doesn’t want her to go. Even more problematic is that she’s a commoner who doesn’t know anything about courtly etiquette or being a princess or covering her cleavage (it is trashy 80s fantasy). In addition to dodging the Witch King’s minions (since the real princess’s body was destroyed in the fire, they’re going to assume Eliza is the princess and her shabby clothing and unladylike behaviour is an attempted disguise) and other dangers of the road in order to get her home in time for the princess’s birthday, the party has to teach Eliza to be a proper princess. If you’re not lucky enough to have players who embrace the idea of playing adventurers running a finishing school, you can focus mostly on the dangers they encounter during the journey (but you’ll probably miss out on some great gaming).
Assuming the party makes it back to the castle in time, they’ll have to convince everyone that Eliza is the princess. The real test will come at the birthday feast, where the party will have to deal with Zoltan, a rival knight who just knows the PCs are up to something; the innkeeper, who has used the money he got from the PCs to buy his way into the nobility and is threatening to expose the ruse; Eliza’s lover, who wants her back; and possibly Eliza herself, who may want to just go back to her simple life in the hinterlands of Kromdor. As the PCs try to juggle all of this so they don’t get their heads chopped off, hilarity should ensue. Also, musical numbers.
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