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<\/a>There aren\u2019t a lot of changes on the ability front. The only really new thing is that Dwarves get Tool Proficiency in either smith\u2019s, brewer\u2019s or mason\u2019s tools (though oddly not miner\u2019s tools). It\u2019s almost like they read the expanded Qerth<\/a> tables and realized \u201cHey, giving Dwarves some of those craft skills we\u2019re always talking about Dwarves having is a pretty good idea. We should steal it.\u201d But since the expanded Qerth table for Dwarves has never been published (look for it in The Comprehensive Dwarf, coming sometime in the distant future if Leighton and I live long enough), I\u2019m forced to conclude that this innovation was a case of parallel development. The other change is that Stonecunning (3E\u2019s combination of all the Dwarf\u2019s \u201cknows a lot about rocks\u201d abilities from previous editions) has been downgraded to just knowing historical information about rocks. Man, I never thought I\u2019d miss \u201cDetect Grade\/Slope,\u201d but I kinda do. Is there such a thing as Phantom Useless Ability Syndrome?<\/p>\nEvery race (except Humans) also includes subraces. For Dwarves, the choices are Hill Dwarf and Mountain Dwarf (Duergar are mentioned in a short sidebar, but aren\u2019t allowed as PCs). Each of the Dwarven subraces gets an ability bonus and an additional racial ability (Wisdom and toughness for Hill Dwarves, Strength and armor for Mountain Dwarves). It\u2019s also mentioned that Mountain Dwarves are taller than Hill Dwarves. This seems like an odd outcome of natural selection given that Mountain Dwarves spend more time underground where being tall would make it harder to navigate cramped passageways. I guess that\u2019s just the kind of thing that happens in a magical world of adventure.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s also a sidebar with the classic racial stereotypes alongside each Race description, but it only includes the Big Four: Dwarves, Elves, Halflings, and Humans. Because fuck Gnomes.<\/p>\n
Elves<\/h1>\n
As we all know, Elves are so pretty they\u2019ll make you swoon. They\u2019re also graceful, agile, fierce in battle, intelligent, good with animals, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. Elves are noted for their skill in warfare, magic, gardening, interpretive dance, poetry, music, architecture, literary analysis, hunting, basket weaving, found object art, cooking, macrame, and Mrs. Pac-Man. Also, they live forever and poop ice cream.<\/p>\n
After all the overwrought prose about how nifty and cool elves are, we come to the \u201cNames\u201d section. Whereas Dwarves recycle the same names over and over again, every Elf creates his own special little name that\u2019s just for him upon reaching adulthood. Because apparently they\u2019re going all-in with this \u201cevery race as unique naming traditions\u201d thing. And apparently these naming conventions are consistent across all populations of that race across all D&D worlds. Well that just stopped being kind of neat in a hurry.<\/p>\n
Elven special abilities haven\u2019t changed much since third edition other than to fit the new rules, though they have lost their bonus with swords and bows (which I think was still there in 3E). Well, at least until you get to the subraces. High Elves get bow & sword proficiency, plus a cantrip, an extra language, and an Intelligence Bonus. Hey look! Wood Elves get the sword and bow proficiency, too (along with increased speed, woodland stealth, and a Wisdom bonus). You\u2019ll notice that all the Elves have three sub-race features in contrast to the Dwarf\u2019s two. Because game balance, I assume.<\/p>\n
Ok, so really it turns out that the Drow are the only subrace that doesn\u2019t get the traditional bow & sword bonus. Well, at least they don\u2019t get it with 75% of the traditional Elven swords and bows. Their proficiencies are with rapiers, shortswords, and crossbows instead. They also get super-duper darkvision and the classic Drow spell abilities (Dancing Lights to start, Faerie Fire at 3rd Level, and Darkness at 5th Level). Also, Drow are totally rare you guys. You probably won\u2019t even meet one (unless they make up 80% of your party, that is). Unlike the other subraces, Drow have a disadvantage in the form of sensitivity to light, but it\u2019s considerably less brutal than in previous editions (basically just a penalty to attack rolls and perception checks; I\u2019m reasonably sure sunlight used to cause damage like they were really pretty vampires or something).<\/p>\n
The Elf section ends with a sidebar about how swell Drizzt is, because of course it does.<\/p>\n
Halflings<\/h1>\n
I haven\u2019t been mentioning the art so far this post because I think we\u2019ve already established that I\u2019m not a fan, but holy shit the Halfling picture is horrific. If Rob Liefeld decided to create a sepia-toned watercolor of a female version of Warwick Davis about halfway through make-up for Leprechaun in the Hood<\/em>, it would look like the Halfling picture on page 26. I mean…just…fuck.<\/p>\n For those of you just tuning in, Halflings started out as Hobbits, but Gygax immediately ran into the problem of Hobbits wanting fuckall to do with adventuring (he also ran into the problem of the Tolkien Estate being very litigious, which is why Hobbits became Halflings). To solve this problem, ol\u2019 Gary latched onto the theoretical adventuring job of the original adventuring Hobbit and decided that Hobbits made great thieves. As you may know, the D&D meaning of \u201cthief\u201d is considerably different from the Hobbit usage, where it meant something along the lines of \u201cnot really a thief at all, but Bilbo\u2019s sneaky and clever and Gandalf wants the Dwarves to take him along so that\u2019s what he\u2019s telling Thorin.\u201d This led to a weird split-personality for Halflings: They’re simple rural farm folk who just want to stay home and smoke their pipes, but they’re also world-wise master thieves who will rob you blind and bang your mom. It’s always been weird, and I remember 3E trying to fix it by downplaying the Hobbit stuff in favor of something closer to (but less annoying than) the Kender from DragonLance. This didn\u2019t last. In 5E, these little fuckers are Hobbits again. Or sometimes nomadic Hobbits. For some reason they keep bringing up halfling nomads.<\/p>\n Halfling names are just regular old names, and Halfling abilities are variations on the old standbys. The only thing that looked new to me was the Lucky ability, which lets them re-roll 1s on attack rolls, ability checks, and saves. There are two subraces for Halflings (Lightfoot and Stout), each with a modestly Dwarven pair of sub-racial bonus features.<\/p>\n I haven\u2019t mentioned it yet, but each race description starts with a quote from a D&D novel. So far we\u2019ve had two from R.A. Salvatore and one from DragonLance. Humans get Elaine Cunningham\u2019s Elfshadow, which seems like a step down. Oh well, at least it\u2019s not Rose Estes. Anyway, you can probably guess, that the description of Humans is all about how versatile they are and how much range they display in terms of whatever characteristic is being discussed at the moment.<\/p>\n Where the other races so far have just had names, the Human section is titled \u201cNames and Ethnicities\u201d and once again talks about how there are a bunch of different types of humans. To demonstrate, it describes the 9 human ethnicities of the Forgotten Realms, complete with physical descriptions and common names. Some of these (Calishite, Illuskan) are vaguely familiar as nationalities that I remember from all those Forgotten Realms books I read in high school. At least one (Shou) was familiar as the generic name for the Realms version of Asians. The rest were (or at least seemed–it\u2019s been a long time) new to me. Apparently the Forgotten Realms got a visit from some (probably idealistically icky) old-timey anthropologists when I wasn\u2019t looking.<\/p>\n By default, Humans get +1 to every ability score. It\u2019s a boring and generic racial feature, but from a min\/max perspective it\u2019s not too shabby. A slightly more interesting option is a variant rule for gaming groups who use the (apparently now) optional Feats rules. Under the variant, Humans get +1 to two different ability scores, a bonus Skill, and a bonus Feat. The Skill and Feat are both \u201cof your choice,\u201d so I assume the ability bonuses are the player\u2019s choice as well. I would have expected them to be based on heritage or culture, especially after they\u2019ve gone through the trouble of listing all those ethnic groups, but can see how a \u201cVikings get +1 Strength, +1 Constitution, Sailing, and Shield Bash\u201d kind of set-up could veer into racist stereotypes very quickly, especially since many of those Forgotten Realms ethnicities have clear real-world analogs. It\u2019s probably best to reserve the broad stereotypes for the fantasy races.<\/p>\n For those of you who are keen students of alphabetical order, you\u2019ll note that Gnomes and the two Half-something races haven\u2019t been mentioned yet, much less the weird shit from 4E. That\u2019s because the races are divided into two sets. The given explanation is that the races we\u2019ve seen so far are the common ones and the others are \u201cuncommon\u201d (and not necessarily approved for all games, so ask your GM), which makes sense if you ignore the fact that Half-Elves are often even more common than Drow. I suspect the real reason has more to do the fact that making Dragonborn the first race in the chapter would have just been weird. Anyway, I applaud the decision for two reasons: (1) Making the first race on the list Dragonborn would have been weird: and (2) it gives me an excuse to break this chapter down into two posts. I\u2019m really not mentally prepared for Gnomes just yet, much less the Star Wars Cantina races.<\/p>\n Next Week: Bastards, Gnomes, and the Weird Shit from 4E!<\/p>\nHumans<\/h1>\n
But Wait, There\u2019s More!<\/h1>\n
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