{"id":579,"date":"2017-12-08T00:42:51","date_gmt":"2017-12-08T00:42:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/dumb-table-p-i-2\/"},"modified":"2023-02-24T16:25:14","modified_gmt":"2023-02-24T16:25:14","slug":"dumb-table-p-i-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/dumb-table-p-i-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Dumb Table, P.I."},"content":{"rendered":"

Here are five dumb tables for Private Detectives.<\/p>\n

What Did He Fail At?<\/h1>\n

Nobody\u2019s a private detective because they grew up dreaming of one day being a private detective. They all started out somewhere else, screwed it up, and ended up doing this. Most P.I.\u2019s are former cops or spies or soldiers, but there are lots of other respectable (and not-so-respectable) jobs with a skill set that can be adapted to P.I. work when nobody in your field will hire you anymore.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Minor Celebrity<\/li>\n
  2. Hired Goon<\/li>\n
  3. Blue Collar Worker<\/li>\n
  4. Athlete<\/li>\n
  5. Soldier<\/li>\n
  6. Bodyguard<\/li>\n
  7. Beat Cop<\/li>\n
  8. Journalist<\/li>\n
  9. Crime Scene Investigator<\/li>\n
  10. Intelligence Analyst<\/li>\n
  11. Police Detective<\/li>\n
  12. G-Man<\/li>\n
  13. Security Consultant<\/li>\n
  14. S.W.A.T. Team Member<\/li>\n
  15. Special Forces Soldier<\/li>\n
  16. Political Activist<\/li>\n
  17. White Collar Professional<\/li>\n
  18. Entertainer<\/li>\n
  19. Political Operative<\/li>\n
  20. Spy<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    What Makes Him A Scumbag?<\/h1>\n

    As Bruce Willis observed in The Last Boy Scout<\/em>, \u201cAll private detectives are scumbags.\u201d This table provides examples of actions and attitudes that can contribute to a P.I.\u2019s scumbaggery.<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Obsessive Compulsive<\/li>\n
    2. Drug Addict<\/li>\n
    3. Glory Hound<\/li>\n
    4. Greedy<\/li>\n
    5. Vindictive<\/li>\n
    6. Dishonest<\/li>\n
    7. Lecherous<\/li>\n
    8. Violent<\/li>\n
    9. Always In A Bad Mood<\/li>\n
    10. Compulsive Gambler<\/li>\n
    11. Drunk<\/li>\n
    12. Bigot<\/li>\n
    13. Lazy<\/li>\n
    14. No Filter<\/li>\n
    15. Superstitious<\/li>\n
    16. Self-Righteous<\/li>\n
    17. Know-It-All<\/li>\n
    18. Antiquated Worldview<\/li>\n
    19. Broken Moral Compass<\/li>\n
    20. Roll Twice<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Who\u2019s Out To Get Him?<\/h1>\n

      Everybody has enemies.<\/p>\n

        \n
      1. A Minor Celebrity<\/li>\n
      2. A Crime Syndicate<\/li>\n
      3. A Drug Cartel<\/li>\n
      4. A Street Gang<\/li>\n
      5. A Small-Time Criminal<\/li>\n
      6. A Former Employer<\/li>\n
      7. A Former Ally or Co-Worker<\/li>\n
      8. Bill Collectors<\/li>\n
      9. An Ex-Lover<\/li>\n
      10. A Criminal<\/li>\n
      11. A Dirty Cop<\/li>\n
      12. A Good Cop<\/li>\n
      13. A Former Client<\/li>\n
      14. A Former Employee<\/li>\n
      15. A Concerned Citizen<\/li>\n
      16. A Reporter<\/li>\n
      17. The D.A.<\/li>\n
      18. A Politician<\/li>\n
      19. A Government Agency<\/li>\n
      20. A Cult or Secret Society<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Who Is His Only True Friend?<\/h1>\n

        Most private detectives only have one, probably because of the whole \u201cscumbag\u201d thing.<\/p>\n

          \n
        1. A Minor Celebrity<\/li>\n
        2. A Vagrant<\/li>\n
        3. A Morgue Attendant<\/li>\n
        4. A Small-Time Criminal<\/li>\n
        5. A Sex Worker<\/li>\n
        6. A Bartender\/Waitress<\/li>\n
        7. A Friend On The Force<\/li>\n
        8. His Underappreciated Secretary<\/li>\n
        9. An Old Army Buddy<\/li>\n
        10. His Dog<\/li>\n
        11. A Kid<\/li>\n
        12. A Retiree With Nothing Better To Do<\/li>\n
        13. A Relative<\/li>\n
        14. A Neighbor<\/li>\n
        15. A Local Business Owner<\/li>\n
        16. A Respectable Citizen<\/li>\n
        17. A Political Activist<\/li>\n
        18. A Reporter<\/li>\n
        19. A Bureaucrat<\/li>\n
        20. A Crank<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

          What\u2019s He Got In His Pockets<\/h1>\n

          For some reason, I always imagine private detectives as having a bunch of weird shit in their pockets. This table is for stuff in addition to the normal P.I. pocket contents (gun, hip flask, cigars, note pad and pen, phone, half-eaten sandwich, etc). Once per game, a PC P.I. can roll to see what turns up in his pockets. He may make additional rolls by spending Yum Yums. The cost starts at 1 and increases by 1 for each additional pocket search. Normally, the GM determines the exact nature of the item, but the player can choose if he doubles the YY cost (the cost is 1 for the free pocket reach).<\/p>\n

            \n
          1. Something gross<\/li>\n
          2. Something illegal<\/li>\n
          3. Something you\u2019d find in a bathroom<\/li>\n
          4. Something you\u2019d find in a kitchen<\/li>\n
          5. Something you\u2019d find in a bedroom<\/li>\n
          6. Something you\u2019d find in a garage or shed<\/li>\n
          7. Something you\u2019d find in a car<\/li>\n
          8. Something you\u2019d find in the junk drawer<\/li>\n
          9. Something you can eat<\/li>\n
          10. Something that can be used as a weapon<\/li>\n
          11. Something you\u2019d find in a toolbox<\/li>\n
          12. Something you\u2019d find in a first aid kit<\/li>\n
          13. Something that runs on batteries<\/li>\n
          14. Something you\u2019d find in a diner<\/li>\n
          15. Something you\u2019d find in an office<\/li>\n
          16. Something you can buy at a bodega<\/li>\n
          17. Something containing written information<\/li>\n
          18. Tickets to an event<\/li>\n
          19. Something you can sell for quick cash<\/li>\n
          20. A Clue<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

            <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            Here are five dumb tables for Private Detectives. What Did He Fail At? Nobody\u2019s a private detective because they grew up dreaming of one day being a private detective. They all started out somewhere else, screwed it up, and ended up doing this. Most P.I.\u2019s are former cops or spies or soldiers, but there are…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3807,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1996],"tags":[119,130,886,2098],"class_list":["post-579","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dumb-tables","tag-archetypes","tag-character-creation","tag-dumb-tables","tag-private-detectives"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/579","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=579"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/579\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3380,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/579\/revisions\/3380"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3807"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=579"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=579"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/deathcookie.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=579"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}