Here’s the last batch of Alphabetical Madmen. Introduction and A-I are here.  Click here for J-R. 

The Siberian 

• Real Name: Oleg Yusov
• Specialty: Assassin
• Secret Weapon: Cold Powers
• Evil Plan: Bring back the cold war. Get it? COLD War. 
• WWPHITM? Rade Serbedzija
• Notes: Always has beef jerky.                                                                                                     

Tiger Shark 

• Real Name: Barry Hester 
• Specialty: Can shapeshift into a tiger or a shark. 
• Secret Weapon: Can also shapeshift into an owl. Doesn’t do it very often. 
• Evil Plan: Doesn’t have one yet. Right now he’s just focusing on Barry. 
• WWPHITM? Jason Momoa 
• Notes: All the other Madmen laugh at him because he’s basically Manimal. 

Uncle Uranium 

• Real Name: Liam Mitchell
• Specialty: Children’s Entertainer
• Secret Weapon: Radiation Powers
• Evil Plan: Just really enjoys giving kids cancer. 
• WWPHITM? Robin Williams
• Notes: Nobody is entirely comfortable having Uncle Uranium as a league member, but “U” Madmen are really hard to find. 

The Mad Viking 

• Real Name: Aksel Oszloo
• Specialty: Raiding under-defended coastal and island nations
• Secret Weapon: A decommissioned Yugoslavian battleship he bought on eBay
• Evil Plan: Rule the Seas
• WWPHITM? Alexander Skarsgard with epic facial hair 
• Notes: Grew up in Wabasha, Minnesota 

Professor Weirdstone

• Real Name: Dr. Sydney Weirdstone
• Specialty: Dada
• Secret Weapon: Ability fundamentally alter localized reality. 
• Evil Plan: To rewrite the Akashic Record into The Great Post-Modern Surrealist Novel 
• WWPHITM? Tilda Swinton
• Notes: Dresses like a formally-attired Bowie. 

X, the Multi-Dimensional Man 

• Real Name: Varies 
• Specialty: Ability to travel between dimensions
• Secret Weapon: Self-awareness of extra-dimensional selves 
• Evil Plan: Unclear 
• WWPHITM? Ben Affleck from Mallrats
• Notes: X is really smarmy and nobody likes him, but every time he dies a new version of him appears. This allows him to avoid a break in membership in accordance with the Captain Clone bylaw of 1994. Some have attempted to oust him on the grounds that he should be considered an “M” because he’s “The Multi-Dimensional Man,” but the Names Committee has ruled that everything after the comma should be considered a title, like “esquire” or “The Terror of Chattanooga.” 

Yankee Doodle Fuck You

• Real Name: Unknown

  

• Specialty: Super Soldier 
• Secret Weapon: Extremely Unpredictable 
• Evil Plan: None. He’s not “violent psychopath” insane. He’s more “socially inappropriate, walk around with no pants, urinate in public, and scream obscenities” insane. It’s no secret, however, that he’s only a member of the League of Alphabetical Madmen at the bidding of The Lady With No Hat, who almost certainly has an evil plan.  
• WWPHITM? Roddy Piper 
• Notes: His costume consists of a colonial army uniform without pants. The media usually refers to him as “Yankee Doodle Danger.” 

[Editor's Note: Yankee Doodle Fuck You was created (and drawn) by Leighton Connor. You can find QAGS stats for Mr. Fuck You in All-Stars: A Game of Low-Budget Superheroics]

Zynxolyranessa Zardust  

• Real Name: Zynxolyranessa Zardust
• Specialty: Evil Space Elf 
• Secret Weapon: Evil Space Elf Magic 
• Evil Plan: Prepare for the coming of the Evil Space Elf invasion fleet
• WWPHITM? Milla Jovovich 
• Notes: Considers the roller coaster to be humanity’s greatest achievement 

Before we start the next batch of madmen, I’d like to invite you to sign up for The Brainfart Chronicles, an at-most-weekly newsletter where I ramble about what I’ve been doing, what other people have been doing, and anything else that pops into my head. You can sign up here. 

Now, on with the madmen! Special thanks to Leighton Connor for his assistance on the Dr. Malevolent entry. 

DJ Jazzy Jeff

• Real Name: Jeffrey Allen Townes
• Specialty: He’s the DJ
• Secret Weapon: Talent
• Evil Plan: None
• WWPHITM? DJ Jazzy Jeff
• Notes: DJ Jazzy Jeff is one of the most controversial League members in recent memory. He was inducted into the League of Alphabetical Madmen due to a clerical error and has never attended any meetings, but he has not died or formally stepped down and always pays his dues on time, so he remains a member in good standing. A few members have contested his membership because “DJ” is his specialty (which is generally the word considered when determining letter eligibility), but the official ruling from the membership committee is that in this particular case “DJ” is a title, like “King” or “Professor.” 

Dr. Knifefight 

• Real Name: Dr. Orion T. Stovebender
• Specialty: Knife-Fighting
• Secret Weapon: Comprehensive knowledge of human anatomy
• Evil Plan: To write the definitive treatise on using knives as an implement of warfare and torture
• WWPHITM? Alex Mallari, Jr. 
• Notes: If you find yourself in a conflict with Dr. Knifefight, bring guns. 

Labyrinth Lord

• Real Name: Jareth Henson (legal name; birth name: Murray Lehrer) 
• Specialty: Building elaborate death mazes
• Secret Weapon: An army of minions and monsters
• Evil Plan: To build a labyrinth that will make Daedalus look like a weekend hobbyist. 
• WWPHITM? Marc Maron 
• Notes: Not allowed within 1000 feet of Jennifer Connelly 

Dr. Malevolent 

• Real Name: Dr. Michael Malevolent (name legally changed from Darren Camden)
• Specialty: Mad Science/Random Acts of Evil
• Secret Weapon: Malev-O-Ray
• Evil Plan: To destroy the Ultra Squad
• WWPHITM? Dennis Hopper
• Notes: Despite constantly having a target painted on his back by the likes of Murder Mime, Morgalith the Unfathomable, Murder Master, Megasloth, Magic Master, Ms. Murder, Makumba the Cosmic Doom Turtle, MC Murder, Melankillia, Mr. Mayhem, Mirror Masochist, and countless others, Dr. Malevolent remains the second most senior member of the League after Captain Alchemy.    

Nightmare Ned

• Real Name: Nightmare Ned
• Specialty: Dream Demon
• Secret Weapon: Knows what you’re really afraid of
• Evil Plan: Spread fear
• WWPHITM? Crispin Glover
• Notes: Consistently voted “Best Smile” in the League of Alphabetical Madman yearbook. 

Orangu Gang

• Real Name: Orangu Gang 
• Specialty: Hyper-intelligent Ape
• Secret Weapon: Multiplicity Stone (allows wearer to product temporary clones of himself)
• Evil Plan: Become L.A.’s most powerful crime lord
• WWPHITM? An Orangutan voiced by Danny DeVito
• Notes: Dresses like a classic gangster

Professor Paradox

• Real Name: Dr. Zerbert Oyster-19 Jorgenson 
• Specialty: Super Science
• Secret Weapon: Knowledge of the Future. Well, technically “one possible future,” but it sometimes comes in handy. 
• Evil Plan: To lay the groundwork for his future global domination, then get unstuck in time and return to his own time to enjoy the fruits of his labors.  
• WWPHITM? Christopher Walken 
• Notes: Was stranded at this point in the time stream by William Faulkner and plans to get his revenge. Professor Paradox is his own great-great-great grandfather. 

Quayzarr Queen

• Real Name: Dr. Lydia Karr 
• Specialty: Light Powers 
• Secret Weapon: Quayzarr Blast (superheated light) 
• Evil Plan: Write her memoirs. 
• WWPHITM? Sigourney Weaver
• Notes: Quayzarr Queen was active in the 1990s, when awful stylized spelling was in fashion. She spent most of the early 2000s in Tool Town Federal Penitentiary, winning her release on a technicality in 2008. She’s maintained her League membership despite publicly claiming that she has reformed. 

The Robber Bearon 

• Real Name: Worthington G. Havemeyer IV
• Specialty: Making Money
• Secret Weapon: Generational wealth, power, and werebear abilitiies
• Evil Plan: Secretly manipulate world affairs to increase his fortune 
• WWPHITM? Jeffrey Tambor
• Notes: Can buy and sell you. Or eat you. 

Next week: Madmen S-Z!

The League of Alphabetical Madmen is not-entirely-secret society of misanthropes, lunatics, and sociopaths dedicated to the advancement of the megalomaniacal arts. Their secret fortress is a vast underground lair carved into a mountainside near Chickaloon, Alaska, but they have posh clubhouses in most major cities throughout the world. Membership is limited to exactly 26 members at any given time. [Editor’s Note: If I’m not mistaken, credit for the name “The League of Alphabetical Madmen” goes to QAGS Stuff co-author Ray Forsythe.]

When a League member dies, resigns, reforms, or becomes permanently incapacitated (for example, by becoming trapped in an alternate dimension, stranded in the past, or turned to stone), a new member is chosen from among a waiting list of applicants with “trade names” beginning with the appropriate letter. Many aspiring Madmen choose names with less-used letters in hopes of increasing their chances of being chosen due to the smaller pool of potential candidates. Assassination of current members in order to trigger the applications process is another common tactic. The exact process by which new Madman are chosen is highly secretive, but is known to be potentially fatal. 

The current League of Alphabetical Madmen roster consists of the following maniacs:

Captain Alchemy

• Real Name: Abraham Van Stubing 
• Specialty: Alchemy 
• Secret Weapon: Vast gold reserves 
• Evil Plan: To Live Forever!
• WWPHITM? Brian Cox 
• Notes: Captain Alchemy is the only founding member of the League still alive. He has not visibly aged in at least 70 years. 

The Beast of Birmingham 

• Real Name: The Beast of Birmingham. His friends call him Bob.  
• Specialty: Tearing enemies limb from limb 
• Secret Weapon: Savage ferocity, big claws and teeth 
• Evil Plan: Kill whoever Captain Alchemy wants killed. Hopefully get to eat them. 
• WWPHITM? CGI monster voiced by John C. Reilly 
• Notes: Bob is not terribly bright. 

Calamity Queen 

• Real Name: Dr. Elizabeth Whitestone 
• Specialty: Geology 
• Secret Weapon: The Earthquake Machine  
• Evil Plan: To destroy Junction City, Kansas (which unfortunately is not located on a fault line)
• WWPHITM? Tessa Thompson 
• Notes: Her nemesis is Kevin Bacon, for obvious reasons. 

Dr. Discordia

• Real Name: Sally May Jankowski 
• Specialty: Crazy schemes 
• Secret Weapon: An army of internet trolls 
• Evil Plan: Immanentize the eschaton 
• WWPHITM? Emily Kinney
• Notes: Keeps all her evil schemes in a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper. Also, not a doctor. 

Evil Elvis 

• Real Name: Unknown 
• Specialty: Elvis Impersonation 
• Secret Weapon: A Hunka Hunka Burning Thermite  
• Evil Plan: Travel back in time, kill Elvis, take his place. 
• WWPHITM? Nicholas Cage 
• Notes: Will vote for any LoAM applicant with time travel technology

Famdoom the Fire Dancer 

• Real Name: Rico Gomezdelcampo
• Specialty: Fire Powers 
• Secret Weapon: His hypnotic Flame Dance 
• Evil Plan: Seduce the world, or at least all the attractive people  
• WWPHITM? Benicio Del Toro 
• Notes: Impeccable fashion sense 

Sergeant Gravedigger 

• Real Name: Sergeant Jack Graves 
• Specialty: Arms Dealer/Weapon Designer
• Secret Weapon: Grim Reaper Mark IV Assault Rifle 
• Evil Plan: Secure lucrative Pentagon contracts. 
• WWPHITM? Terry Crews 
• Notes: 12-time Blackwater Employee of the Month

Harbinger 

• Real Name: Unknown
• Specialty: Unknown 
• Secret Weapon: Unknown 
• Evil Plan: Unknown 
• WWPHITM? Andre Braugher in a black Phantom Stranger style mask  
• Notes: Accepted into the league purely for his unnerving mysteriousness 

Invulnerable Todd   

• Real Name: Todd Zubrick 
• Specialty: Invulnerability 
• Secret Weapon: The Beer Bong of DOOM! 
• Evil Plan: PARTY! 
• WWPHITM? Dave Franco 
• Notes: Invulnerable Todd is the first non-ice-themed “I” Madman in over 30 years. 

Next week: Madmen J-R

If you’re running games at GenCon, you have to turn in the descriptions months ahead of time, so here’s what I’m running at GenCon this year (all using the Cinemechanix system), and where they came from. 

Assault on Dungeon 13

Dungeon 13 isn’t protected by a dragon and doesn’t a secret room filled with vast riches and powerful magic, but it’s not a bad place to live. The monsters mostly get along, there isn’t too much slime or ooze, and ogre in room 17 makes a mean rat stew. That all changes when Krag, a half-human from the Skullsplitter orc tribe who works at the tavern in the nearby town, arrives with a warning that a band of bloodthirsty adventurers is planning to invade your peaceful lair.   

Where it came from: 

This is the first idea that popped into my head when I sat down to come up with game ideas. My favorite thing about Qerth is when the PCs stumble into the “backstage” areas of the dungeons and I get to play the monsters as disgruntled workers, and this is kind of the same idea. I’ll need to make it clear that all the monsters can talk (they speak Monster, of course) because I really want some of the players to be Gelantinous Cubes and Mimics and other weird-ass monsters. I think it would be entertaining.  

Lance Jackson and The Red Sun

In the 23rd Century, the Russians control outer space. American spies have long known of the communist plot to build a device that will block the Sun’s rays from reaching America, and they’ve finally found the location of the ruskies’ secret base: the recently-discovered Planet X. Now it’s up to Captain Lance Jackson and his team of all-American heroes to make it past the Russian space patrols so they can land on Planet X and win one for the U.S. of A!

Where it came from:

A few years ago I ran an M-Force campaign set in New Orleans and one of the players made up a character who was more or less Adam West from Family Guy, only instead of being mayor he owned a Stop N’ Rob. The character’s best-known role was as Lance Jackson, a space hero who fought the Commies in a cheesy sci-fi TV series. Kind of Flash Gordon with very unsubtle Cold War propaganda. We never came up with much detail for the setting of the show, but I don’t think the show writers would have either so I should be ok winging it.  

Famous Monster-Hunters of Filmland

Every actor does horror sooner or later, and when your turn came you were lucky enough to land the role of totally awesome monster hunter that the fans loved. Your monster movie isn’t necessarily what you want to be known for, but it is nice that you can make a few extra bucks signing autographs at conventions like CreatureCon 23. The only drawback is that some of the fans have a little trouble separating the actor from the character, so when time and space rip apart and start spewing out hordes of monsters right in the middle of the con, guess who everyone expects to make with the slaying? 

Where it came from:

Pretty much just a variation on “League of Kickass Dudes,” but with a “My Name is Bruce” angle. I signed up to run this one at Archon a few years ago but it didn’t happen. I think it was an early morning game, and since Archon is a party con those are always a crapshoot. I decided to give it another try. Watching the Evil Dead series might have reminded me about this one. 

Vanishing Blacktop

Not long after the Summer of Love came The Big Boom. The bombs took out the cities. The fallout took out the suburbs. The places that are still habitable are separated from one another by a toxic wasteland filled of mutants, murderers, and Marxists. That’s where you come in. You’re part of a convoy, a brave band of hard-traveling road warriors who brave the badlands to help keep America alive. 

Where it came from:

I’ve been muddling over this idea called “Dinerpunk” (working title) for a few years now. I’m not sure exactly what it is, but I think it’s probably awesome. This is my second attempt at a proof of concept game. The first one didn’t quite work for a number of reasons, but I think this variation has more potential to survive first contact with gamers. I started working up the backbone of an Elevator Pitch for this one, and I’ll probably post about it in the future as I develop it. Here’s the bullet list of random ideas I’m starting with: 

• On July 17, 1970, a nuclear war destroyed most of America, and probably the rest of the world 
• Convoys are the bands of “adventurers” who travel out into the wastelands to scavenge for supplies and move goods between the surviving outposts of humanity. A typical small convoy consists of a scout vehicle (muscle car or motorcycle), a cargo vehicle (18-wheeler, cargo truck, bus, etc), and an HQ vehicle (van, large sedan, RV, etc) that usually doubles as the rear guard. All are equipped with CB radios. 
• Things in the wasteland: Road hazards, highwaymen, nuclear fallout, mutated humans, mutated animals (like giant scorpions), firestorms, ash storms, etc. 
• Any place worth scavenging/raiding is heavily defended, hard to reach, or both. 
• Outposts of humanity: rural towns, religious compounds, hippie communes, army bases, isolated estates and institutions (remote military schools, asylums, etc. that run partially off of steam or gas are especially prime real estate since steam and gas are much easier to come by than working electric lines).  
• Diners and truck stops are considered sanctuaries. They trade with everyone who follows their rules, don’t take sides in disagreements, and don’t permit violence on the premises. Staff, regulars, social convention, and the threat of being cut off are usually enough to dissuade bad behaviour, but some have more aggressive methods of enforcing the peace. 
• Most long-range planes and seaworthy ships that survived were commandeered shortly after the Boom by people hoping to find somewhere more hospitable. Getting one of the ones left running and finding enough fuel, supplies, and expertise to use it would be a major undertaking (with no guarantee of finding something better before supplies run out). Some people have access to helicopters or smaller planes, but most are used sparingly because of the fuel requirements. Trains (often old steam engines that have been brought back into service) are used on a local scale in a few areas where there are still good tracks.  
• A working TV will just give you a test pattern or maybe an emergency broadcast, but anyone with working power and a little know-how can get a radio station up and running again. Tricky Dick occasionally broadcasts an all-frequencies message to ensure everyone that America is strong and everything will be ok, but most people rely on DJs (need a good lingo name) to get news on what’s really going on outside of CB range. 
• Yes, Nixon is totally hiding out in a bunker trying to figure out how to turn the nuclear apocalypse into an advantage for himself. 
• Detail some DJs. I think one needs to be Dr. Gonzo, broadcasting from the Owl Farm. 

Influences: 

• The Mad Max Series
• Easy Rider
• Vanishing Point
• Jericho
• Six String Samurai
• Warrior of the Lost World (particularly the Megaweapon parts)
• Damnation Alley*
• Two-Lane Blacktop*
• Convoy*

*Probably. I haven’t seen Two-Lane Blacktop and haven’t seen Damnation Alley or Convoy in years, so I’ll need to watch/rewatch those to verify their inclusion. There will also be a recommended listening list that might rival the one in Hobomancer, but right now it’s mostly the obvious stuff (Springsteen, Highway to Hell, etc.).