It’s been a while since I’ve shamelessly plugged anything, so let’s start with that. Hex Games co-founder Leighton Connor has just released the latest Ross Fulton, Occult Detective story, The MarmiCon Conundrum, in which I appear as a character. Leighton and I will also be releasing a new Brainfart Press book next week called Pig Palaces & Brisket Barns: A Guide to America’s Best Barbecue Joints (That We Made Up). No links yet, but I promise you can find out about it as soon as it goes live by checking the Brainfart Page or following Brainfart on Facebook or Twitter. I’ll also definitely mention it in my newsletter and on Patreon, both of which are linked in the right sidebar of this story’s page. I’m mentioning Pig Palaces now because I won’t be posting next week; I’ll be in or on my way to Indianapolis for GenCon when the blog usually goes up. We’ve actually got at least one game with a few spaces left last I checked, if you happen to be going to the con and want to check out Cinemechanix. 

Now I’m going to talk about D&D some more. 

Chapter 10: Spellcasting isn’t technically the last chapter, but Chapter 11 is an 87 page list of spells, so it’s only a chapter because they called it a chapter, not because it has any similarity of format to the previous 10 chapters. I’d call it an appendix, but I guess they didn’t want to lump it in with the other (much shorter) appendices that immediately follow it. So as far as I’m concerned this is the last chapter. It starts of with some rambling about spells that doesn’t seem to be going anywhere until right at the end where it’s clear that the point of the opening is to make sure you’re aware that there are a shitload more spells a-coming, and you can get them by giving Hasbro your money. 

The first few sections cover spell levels (1-9 for everybody, none of that 9 for wizards, 7 for clerics nonsense) and memorization basics. The big difference here from previous editions is that there’s basically an extra level of spell slots. In previous edition, you had X spell slots of each level and filled each of them with a specific spell. So if you had 3 1st level slots and wanted to cast Magic Missile twice, you’d have to memorize Magic Missile, Bigby’s Happy Ending, and Magic Missile. Your memorized spells were the only subset of your spellbook. 

The new version takes it one step closer to Carlin’s “A Place For My Stuff” routine. First, you’ve got your spellbook. These are all the spells you’ve picked up over the years and could potentially cast. But you can’t just cast any of them whenever you want because game balance(?), so you’ve got to pack a smaller version of your spellbook. These are called Prepared Spells, and are basically the ones you’ve got committed to memory right now. So you might have the first level spells Magic Missile, Bigby’s Happy Ending, Mage Armor, and Leomund’s Peaceful Port-a-Potty committed to memory. Then you have your spell slots, which is the amount of magical energy that you can channel through your body between naps. You don’t have to define which spells go in which slots. Instead, you can use the slots to cast any combination of prepared spells. So you can cast 3 Magic Missiles, 2 Magic Missiles and a Leomund’s Shithouse, 3 Bigby’s Handjobs, or Shield, Magic Missile, and Leomund’s Shithouse. It all depends on what kind of battles, sexual frustrations, and dietary fiber your character experiences. You can also use a higher level spell slot to cast a lower level spell (so if you don’t need to turn invisible but you really need to take a shit, you can use your 2nd level spell slot to cast Leomund’s Peaceful Port-a-Potty). In some cases, using a higher level spell slot increases the effects of the spell. 

Even though there’s technically slightly more to keep track of, the new system isn’t much more complicated than the old version and it makes spellcasters a whole lot more versatile, especially at low levels. While it doesn’t completely eliminate the likelihood of running into a situation where that spell that you didn’t memorize because it’s only occasionally useful would come in really handy (since you still have to choose your prepared spells), it does make those situations less common. You still might regret preparing Detect Magic instead of Read Languages every now and then, but at least you can use the slot to cast an extra Magic Missile instead of just having the whole thing go to waste. 

Cantrips used to work just like spells (just shitty ones), with each wizard memorizing a certain number of them each day. Now they’re minor (but generally more useful than their predecessors, based on my brief skimming of a few) spell effects that spellcasters (of all types, not just wizards) can use whenever and as often as they feel like. This adds some versatility and fits a little better with how wizards work in most non-RPG-based fantasy fiction. I approve. 

Next up are rituals, which intrigued me when they were mentioned earlier in the book. Even most D&D-based fiction occasionally gets away from point-and-shoot magic in favor of a good old fashioned ritual, but the D&D rules have rarely allowed for the kind of magic that you get in real-world folklore and pre-D&D fantasy fiction. About as close as we got previously were high level spells with expensive components and long casting times. The new ritual rules don’t really add much, but at least it’s something. With the ritual rules, it takes 10 extra minutes to cast a spell as a ritual. In exchange for spending the extra time, you don’t have to spend a spell slot. Only certain spells (the ones with a “ritual” tag) can be cast as a ritual, and only by characters with an appropriate class feature. I would have like more flavor here, but at least the rule acknowledges the existence of ritual magic as a thing that exists and gives spellcasters yet another option to actually, you know, cast spells even after they’ve used up their spell slots.

Everything else in the chapter is standard: descriptions of the traits in the spell format, spell components, schools of magic, saving throws, etc. The only new additions are a sidebar of pure filler (“The Weave of Magic”) and a section about the standard area of effect shapes in case you missed learning about shapes in grade school. That section is a variation on the movement rules, basically just there to highlight how much easier this would all be with a grid map. And if you’re using a grid map, you might as well use miniatures. Have you thought about using miniatures? Why don’t you just buy yourself a fuckin’ pile of miniatures? All the cool kids have miniatures. 

Next week: I’ll be at GenCon. You’ll have to find something else to kill some time on a Thursday night. Maybe grab one of those books I mentioned at the top or shop for miniatures or something.   

An elf swings his delicate bejewelled sword, puncturing a disbelieving dwarf’s heart with a graceful flourish. A paladin screams “Die Infidel Scum” as he murders orcish children for the glory of his bloodthirsty sun god. A bard inspires his companions with an ancient battle song, masturbating frantically the entire time. A reviewer can’t take much more of this “Time-Life Mysteries of the Unknown without the twist” shit that opens every chapter and a whole bunch of sections. Seriously, it’s tedious as fuck. 

Once that shit’s over, they start with the basics, describing the order of combat. My memory may be flawed, but I remember a turn being bigger than a round, like maybe there were 10 rounds to a turn or something. The round was broken up into segments (6 per round, maybe?). In this edition, turns are smaller. The round is the amount of time it takes everyone to act, the turn is an individual character’s action. It’s much simpler, and nobody every used segments anyway, so it’s probably for the best. Also included in this section are surprise (which includes its own Mysteries of the Unknown intro (“A gnome is happy that the orc complimented his pants, but is suddenly surprised when he remembers HE HAS NO PANTS!”)) which works pretty much how you expect, Initiative (individual initiative that’s rolled once at the beginning of the combat and stays the same the whole time; I realize it’s simpler, but that doesn’t make it not dumb when you think in terms of the story), and a discussion of things you can do outside of your regular action. This part was actually a relief, because some of the earlier rules explanations made it sound like every player’s turn had a dozen different phases. Luckily, that’s not the case. If you get a bonus action, you take it with your normal action. A reaction is kind of like an interrupt in Magic--if X happens, you can do Y. That’s all there is to it. 

Next up is a whole lot of discussion about movement and how much space different sized creatures take up andzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….Anyway, they’ve got miniatures to sell, so there’s a page or two of rules that show how handy those little bastards can be, especially if you buy officially branded battle mats and terrain tiles and sharpies to go along with them. Next is a description of common things you can do with your action: Attack, Cast A Spell, Hide, Search, Get Down, Turn Around, Go To Town, Boot Scoot Boogie, etc. 

After that, we finally get to MAKING AN ATTACK! Woo-Hoo! Finally, the simple joy of rolling a die and knowing that you’ve killed something! About damn time! You roll your attack roll and hit if the roll is higher than the opponent’s Armor Class. Since AC has been positive for a few editions now, this works without having to consult charts or THAC0 anything. Damage is based on another die roll, so the actual value of the attack roll doesn’t matter (unless it’s a 1 or a 20). It just has to be higher than the target’s Armor Class. Winning by 1 point is just as good as winning by 99 points. It’s a lot like the U.S. electoral system that way. The rest of the section chose the odd order of “Unseen Attackers and Targets,” then “Ranged Attacks,” then “Melee Attacks” (which includes rules for opportunity attacks, two-weapon fighting, grappling, and shoving), which seems to me like the exact opposite of the order that makes sense. Lots of stuff like reach and weapon range are so simplified compared to older versions that they could probably be eliminated if Hasbro didn’t have miniatures to sell. 

After a brief section on Cover (which is once again simplified, though this time not to the point of being an extra step that’s unlikely to make any difference in the outcome), most of the rest of the chapter deals with damage. Most of it’s pretty standard stuff, but there are a few noteworthy changes and additions:

• On a critical hit, you roll all your dice twice instead of just doubling damage. This still makes a critical hit potentially very brutal without guaranteeing an instant kill or giving an outsized reward to min/maxers by letting them double their modifiers. 
• Instead of every monster having its own rules for resistance or vulnerability to certain attacks, they now just have either the resistance trait (halves damage) or the vulnerabiliy trait (doubles damage).
• You’re still unconscious at 0 HP and dead at negative Max HP, but the “death’s door” rules are a little different now. Instead of losing a hit point each round, you make a “Death Saving Throw” each round. 1-9 fails and 10+ succeeds regardless of level or constitution or anything else (except a special ability that specifically changes how this rule works for you). If you fail 3 times, you’re dead. If you succeed 3 times, you stabilize and no longer have to make death saving throws. I like this rule; it’s less predictable than the “lose 1 hp per round” thing, which adds a little drama to the situation. Your allies can’t just put off healing you for 8 rounds because you’re at -7 and won’t die until -16. If they ignore you for 5 rounds, your fate is sealed one way or another. 
• When you reduce an opponent to 0 HP, you can decide to just knock him out (he’s unconscious but automatically stable) rather than punch him up against death’s door. It seems a little weird story-logic-wise that this decision is made after the attack and damage roll, but I think anyone who ever tried to actually use the old rules for subduing an opponent will be totally cool trading a little weirdness for a lot of simplification. 

The last two sections cover Mounted Combat and Underwater Combat, which you’re probably never going to use and will have to re-read anyway if you ever need them. 

That’s it for Part 2, so we’re down to Part 3: The Rules of Magic (one chapter and like 100 pages of spells I’m probably going to skim at best), some Appendices, and some kind of summary/conclusion to this thing. I’m not going to finish by GenCon, but should be able to move on with my life sometime shortly thereafter. 

Turns out maybe I should have included this chapter with the last one; this might be a short post. Yeah, it’s still about the usual boring stuff that goes in the adventuring section, but it’s all just so...I don’t know...casual, maybe? They actually explain really basic things that everyone has to learn but most people just sort of figure out. Considering D&D is, for better or worse, the main gateway into RPGs for new players, I like that they covered some things everybody knows but nobody ever explains. The most exciting surprise in this chapter is one of those things, repeated or heavily implied in several sections, and boils down to the writers reminding the players that none of the stuff they’re explaining is important unless it makes the game more fun. Don’t get bogged down in it and skip it if it doesn’t matter. 

The other nice thing about the chapter is that everything is very simplified compared to previous editions. For example, there’s only one table in the whole chapter (movement rates for travel) and it’s just four columns and three rows. In a lot of instances, the “rules” are basically a reminder of how the core mechanic works: The GM decides what you need to roll based on the situation and uses your roll to determine the outcome. This kind of thing is standard for a lot of games, but it feels like a really big step for D&D, which traditionally has been designed so that every single thing a character could do had its own detailed subsystem tied onto it. 

A quick rundown of the specifics:

• Time: It basically says that usually the GM just decides how long things take, but some things like movement and combat have their own rules. 
• Movement: You can move fast, normal, or slow enough to be sneaky and do other things. The table I mentioned gives the standard rates. The “movement by terrain” table is gone because there are only 2 types of terrain: normal (you move at the normal rate) and difficult (you move at half the normal rate). Because honestly, when has that X miles of difference between plains and gentle hills ever really made that much of a difference to how the game played out? Somewhere in this section it also blows off the old “Encounter Distance” table by saying the the GM decides how encounters start. Because that’s easier and less likely to create a situation that doesn’t make any damn sense. 
• The Environment: Rules for falling, suffocating, lighting, food and water, and interacting with things. The rules elements tend more toward “GM just uses the core rule” as the subsection goes on. The light ranges that we usually find here are describe for the appropriate equipment in the equipment section if you care, but the GM can just tell the players that they’re in one of the 3 lighting conditions (light, dark, and dim) and not worry about it. Because if it matters, the players already know. 
• Social Interaction: This section covers the basics of character interaction and is very heavy on the stuff nobody who’s played a game or two needs to be told, but a brand new player trying to learn entirely from the rulebook will probably appreciate. They even distinguish between descriptive (the “my guy says…” kind of role-playing) and active (where you actually, you know, role-play) styles of roleplaying. Both options are presented as equally acceptable, which I guess is true for many D&D games. 
• Resting explains the difference between a short and long rest (which have been mentioned throughout previous chapters in terms of when characters regain powers and spells and such). The newest thing here is the sheer number of hit points players can recover by resting in this edition. You can probably get by without anyone having to play a cleric as long as you rest regularly. 
• Between Adventures: This covers what characters can do during downtown. It’s mostly ways they can avoid having to pay the cost of living and maybe earn a few extra gold by using their skills and proficiencies, but there are some simple rules for healing (including getting rid of non-hit-point afflictions without getting magicked all over by a cleric), crafting, research, and even learning things outside of the level advancement system (it takes a really long time). 

I’m impressed. That wasn’t the godawful slog through hellish tables and modifiers I was expecting. It’s almost like they’re giving the GM credit for being able to use the core rule without training wheels. I hope they keep up the trend for the next chapter: COMBAT! 

Chapter 7 is mostly a refresher course on concepts that have already been introduced (ability scores and modifiers, advantages, and disadvantages, and proficiency bonuses) but with more in-depth explanation and a clear description of how they fit together: Roll a d20, add your ability modifier, add your proficiency bonus if you have an appropriate proficiency. If you have an Advantage, roll d20s and pick the best. If you have a Disadvantage, roll d20s and pick the worst. I’m not sure if the idea of comparing the roll to something has been mentioned before, but this chapter does describe that you compare your roll to either a Difficulty Class or an opponent’s roll. Otherwise the bulk of the chapter is spent describing skills and how they work, which includes rules for passive skill use (detecting a secret door even when you’re not actively searching for secret doors) and characters combining their efforts on a task. They also slip in what may be the simplest version of encumbrance yet (though it still requires you to tally up how many pounds of iron rations and arrows your character is carrying) in the Strength section. 

Thoughts on Chapter 7: 

• Since you you mostly just use the bonus derived from your character’s ability scores, the game designer part of my brain is wondering why they even bothered to leave ability scores in as a separate entity rather than reducing them to their bonuses. The former D&D player part of my brain knows the answer: because the 3d6 (or whatever) ability score range is a fundamental part of D&D. Removing it, even if it doesn’t serve much purpose, would make the game feel less like D&D to 99% of the people who have ever played the game before. After all, it’s the first RPG rules concept a lot of people ever learned. A fighter with a Strength of +3 belongs to some other game. Your D&D fighter has a Strength of 16. That’s the way it’s always been and the way it will always be.  
• As I suspected, all skills have the same bonus (the proficiency bonus, which is based on level). So if you’re a 5th level Druid with skills in Acrobatics, Animal Handling, and Intimidation, you’re equally good (+3) at Acrobatics, Animal Handling, and Intimidation even if you’ve been handling animals since first level but just learned how to do somersaults when you levelled up last week. While this does simplify the rules, I don’t think the simplification is worth the loss of fine character detail.
• Speaking of skills, remember non-weapon proficiencies like “Kite Flying”, “Fungus Identification,” and “Cheese Making?” That’s all gone. The 5E skill list has 14 entries, most of them broad abilities like “Athletics” or “Nature” (which doesn’t include “Animal Handling,” probably the narrowest skill on the list). The focus is clearly on “useful” skills that are likely to come up in the game, and to be honest I’m torn on how I feel about this. On the one hand, I agree with this way of thinking, in fact I’m using the idea in the game I’m working on (Cinemechanix, for those of you who found this blog recently and have seen only this review for months on end). Cinemechanix players are frequently reminded that there are thousands of things your character can do that don’t need game mechanics because you’ll probably never need to roll for them. If you want your dwarf to yodel then fine, your dwarf can yodel. On the other hand, even though this version goes farther than any before in suggesting that there’s more to a character than his stats, I’m not sure D&D is quite ready to take those training wheels off. I’ve seen too many players who came into role-playing through D&D have trouble with more open-ended systems because they’re used to having all the character’s options right there on the character sheet with numerical values next to them. I’m afraid that with some groups my dwarf isn’t going to be able to yodel since there’s no yodeling skill. 
• Saving Throws are basically now just ability checks except that each class is proficient in certain types of saving throws (and therefore add their proficiency bonus). I’ve got a feeling that the latter part of the rule is just there to distinguish them from regular ability checks in order to keep the concept of a Saving Throw alive. Unlike the 3-18 atribute range, I’m not sure Saving Throws are essential to keep around. 

Since both this chapter and the next one (Chapter 8: Adventuring) are short, I was originally going to review them together, but I gave in to fear. The Adventuring chapter is traditionally where all the really tedious stuff like torchlight radii and encounter distances (we called the corresponding chapter in Qerth “Incredibly Boring Minutiae”).  Even though this edition seems to be tending toward simplicity and I’ve (hopefully) already made it through the encumbrance rules, I’ve got too many traumatic memories from past “Adventuring” chapters to dive into it without a nice big cup of the kind of late-night truck stop coffee that tastes like it was filtered through Death’s gym sock but will keep you awake through anything (even the “Movement Rate By Terrain Type” table).