The title of this article is inspired by a book I once read. I know what you're thinking--reading is for pussies. Well, most of the time I would agree. But I ordered this book from the back of Jugs magazine, so it's acceptable. Other than Jugs and related periodicals, the only thing a REAL MAN reads is Batman. Batman is a manly He-Man, just like me--Ryan Trimble. And we both look great in tights, baby!
So anyway, I bought this book about bangin' chicks, right? It didn't tell me--Ryan Trimble--anything I didn't know, but it occurred to me that one can draw useful parallels between the old in-out and running a role-playing game. At least I hope so, because those goat-fuckers at Hex said that if I didn't get this article done, certain photographs may end up in the hands of the proper authorities.
Here are some helpful hints on game mastering drawn from said book, and from the personal experience of a real ladies' man--Ryan Trimble.
MAKE 'EM BEG FOR IT!
Never let on that you want to run a game--make the players come to you. That way, you'll be in the position of power. If they know that you can walk at any time, they'll be that much less likely to give you any shit.
PLAY IT SAFE.
There are a lot of active gamers in the world--make sure you know your players' gaming history before you accept them into your game. Talk to former GMs, if possible.
MAKE SURE THEY KNOW WHAT THEY'RE GETTING INTO!
Don't force your players into anything they're not ready for. Some players may be hesitant to try new gaming styles, and you shouldn't make them do anything that violates their basic ethical principles. Besides, you can always find other players with different ethical principles.
It's important to let the players ease into the gentle rhythm of the game before you accelerate to a wild, passionate tempo of adventure. Remember, once you speed things up, there's no turning back. The players will expect the thrills to keep on coming.
BE AWARE OF YOUR PARTNERS' NEEDS.
The players are depending on you for a good time. You've got to know when your game has hit that special spot that will yield maximum enjoyment for everyone involved.
VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE!
Nobody wants the same thing every week. Keep this in mind when planning your games. Surprise your players--give them a little something special, out of the ordinary. Try to practice new and unusual techniques that will maximize their pleasure.
THE MORE THE MERRIER!
If you meet someone who you would like to share a gaming experience with, or if your players would like to bring a friend to the table with them, don't be afraid to include them. These new players might just propose something you've never done before!
DON'T PULL OUT EARLY!
Never end a game until the players are satisfied, too. Go that extra five minutes if you need to get the game to a good stopping point. Never let the players leave until they are sated.
LET THEM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE THEM.
Make sure to give your players Yum Yums at the end of the session. This is a way of telling them that you care. Like idiots, they'll believe it and be back next week for more of the same.
If you follow these simple steps, you'll be satisfied, your players will be satisfied, and you can smoke a cigarette and go to bed, knowing that all is right with the world. Until next time, I'm Ryan Trimble, and you can go fuck yourself.